Captain Jack Harkness - The Stone Wolf.

Holy shit, complete and utter mind fuck of a dream: I was in Wales in Penwyltt which is about 30 miles north of Cardiff, I was lost and being chased by something, there were strange noises in the woods and random bright items amongst the green/grey desolation that is the Brecon beacons. I see this house up a head, i know it is the one from Countrycide because I’ve been there, I look around and realise that I’ve lost all sense of direction and that there is another house to my left up a hill near some caves and stone. I realise that this is the house from Countrycide and the other one is similar but smaller and half over a lake, I know the Countrycide house contains cannibals so head to the smaller house, hoping to get some shelter and some safety.

As I approach the house I see that is has writing carved into it, words I couldn’t understand at first and symbols I’d never seen before. I continued around the house and jumped as I saw that there was a large wolf standing in front of the doorway. Relief washed over me as I realised that it was stone, for some reason then I related the writing on the house to this statue. It said something along the lines of “touch him and he will not bite you.” I don’t know how I read it, knew what it said or why I didn’t run but I simply patted the stone wolf on the head and tried to get into the house. Once I realised that I couldn’t I went to the back of the house near the lake and leant against it, hopefully out of the way of anyone or anything.

Moments later I have a snarling slavering wolf standing in front of me, as it gets closer its whole personality just changes; it is no longer a threat. It comes and snuggles its warm, white fur against me which is a relief. Moments later I am sitting snuggled up to Captain Jack Harkness, he has his arms around me and I have my head on his shoulder. I turn slightly and press my lips against his neck.

We go inside the house and Jack takes off his shirt, we got to bed and sleep, I feel safe from all that was going on outside. In the Morning Gwen and Tosh were there, Jack was walking around topless. Tosh is investigating the writing that is on the side of the house trying to get a full translation.

The stone wolf reappears and is once again real and Jack Gwen and I have to hide in the lake to get away from him, we struggle to pat him on the head. It’s only then that he was turn back to Jack.

I woke up before the conclusion. Lame.

Note to self....
Don't cry and write all at the same time...

I miss him, god how I miss him. Every inch of his beautiful body. It's horrible being without Benny, he is everyhting to me and I need him here. So sorry he is hurting, just three more nights of shitness to get through then that is that.

I want people to understand just how much I love him, how much I want him and how much I need him. My life would be incomplete without benny. He's amazing and I want to be with him forevah.

Ben, when you read this I want you to know that I love you, worship you and coild never live without you, these last few nights have beeen painful, I need you to lay against you. Need to hold you, to touch you to love you. You are amazing, my everything.
xx

Torchwood and BJD

Back in the spring, one long storyline over 5 hour long episodes. I cannot fucking wait, I am currently in the throws of the most brilliant Torchwood roleplay and not slash, well not entirely slash. So in this roleplay is a character call Tain I won't go into who she is, it's complicated but I've found the doll that could be her.

I present the Ashley sculpt from Fairyland.
This is all.
Night
x

Stuff...

So I'm having a party, snotted up to the eyeballs (that's a cold to you peoples) have sobered up and run out of alcohol. Yet i am having fun and need huggles.

Stuff I want to do this year. Sort of new years resolutions.

Lose weight. Main thing, I'm on Wii fit every day, since Xmas day I've lost 4lbs not bad.

Get a job in the music industry - this is the year.

Stop biting my nails. I've stopped biting four so far... what's the point.

Be tidy so Ben doesn't hate me.

Stop over reacting and being stupidly emotional.

Stop spending!

Get more models, do more photoshoots.

The difference

There's a difference between being grumpy/pissed off and being heartbrokenly upset. I'm sick of being made to feel like this, fair enough I started it, my fault, I apologise and it's still my fault. I can't win. I wish life was straight forward, simple, fun, tolerable. I need to get out of this stupid house I need to get somewhere where there are nice people that like me, who can take a joke.

I love him but I shouldn't have to feel like this, I shouldn't feel this shitty. God I hope the good times pick up a bit before the bad times begin to outweigh them. Don't know what I'd do without him, I'd probably be happier logically but I am not logical. I have no common sense. Apparently.

Fucking hell, what should I do.